Sunday, October 27, 2013

I am who I am...

Today I had a near death experience. 

Well maybe not a near death, but certainly a near catastrophe. 

I was driving home from a non eventful Monday morning supermarket shop, and a semi trailer didn't  give way and drove out in front of me. It was obvious that he had not seen my little white car.
Luckily I snapped myself out of my daydream and swerved to miss him.  Thankfully our two vehicles did not collide and he drove off none the wiser. 

I pulled over to the side of the road, my heart thumping so loud I could hear it  and adrenaline pulsating through my veins. My fight or flight response had well and truly kicked in and I needed a few moments to compose myself, to sit back, close my eyes and just breath. 

When my eyes closed it was like a switch was turned.  Negative thoughts flooded my brain.  I started  unleashing a savage attack on myself. I wasn't at fault in this incident, but somehow I managed to start blaming myself.
I shouldn't have been daydreaming, I'm always daydreaming. I should have beeped my horn,              why am I such a terrible driver.  I shouldn't have  a licence, I'm not capable of anything, I'm a failure. 

I guess this was normal given the situation, but I certainly shouldn't have been blaming myself. My inner wisdom knew I was just punishing myself with criticism, but somehow I couldn't turn these thoughts around.

They are automatic and I realised that I do this all the time, in every situation. No wonder my self belief and confidence is so low. It keeps getting pummelled by this nasty voice in my head at every turn.

I know I am an incredibly positive person, a glass half full  type, but to myself I am nothing of the sort. I love inspiring, helping and supporting others, cheering them on, but really I need to be cheering myself self along.

So I am on a bit of a mission to change that, to peel back the layers and work on improving my self  worth.
I am  sick of being the victim to my own voice.   Its time I reveal the  resilient, positive and self loving warrior that I know I am.  I just need to work on uncovering it and allowing it to speak. 

This blog, my little place to spread inspiration about living a healthy life from the inside out, has been sitting dormant and wordless for weeks. I didn't think the words I had deserved to be heard, I didn't think it was pretty enough, I didn't think I was had enough to offer, or the knowledge to write.  I now know I wasn't being held back by what others thought, I was being paralysed (and darn right silly) by what I thought.
Somehow it took this unnerving incident to make me realise that I needn't care about that.  I just need to take action to improve myself,  to cause my own ripples and the rest will take care of itself.  

I am not here to change anyone else, I am here to change myself, to finally reveal that true positive thinker that I know resides inside somewhere deep.

Although if this journey of mine at all gives you any hope or guidance or even the motivation to make changes too to how you live, breathe and think, then my job is done. The inner teacher in me will be happy.

I am who I am, and finally I am taking responsibility for my thoughts and am on a mission to turn them around!

Welcome to my journey.....


  1. Oh my gosh! I'm so glad your okay, driving on this side of town can be brutal and scary when trying to compete with all of the trucks. So excited to see your new blog, it looks fabulous! I love everything about this post, can't wait to read more posts :) xo

  2. Woohoo! Congratulations on pressing publish on your post. Big love xo


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