New Year - what is your intention?

As I stumble into the new year, I realise I have never set an intention before.  I was always a new years resolution kind of gal. You know the ones - lose that 10kg that has stuck around, exercise more, keep my house tidy, become more sustainable,  do this, and do that etc etc.

The ones that are most certainly broken within the first few days of January and the New Year guilt sets in instead. Not a great start to the year, huh?  
So this year, like many others I know,  I have set an intention,  a word of how I would like to live my life, not just this year, but always.  

The word to centre me when I go off course and to guide me in my day to day life. To keep ever present  and to come back to when I am feeling vulnerable and immersed in fear and self doubt.  A word to hold close to my heart when my faith is tested, when I am feeling helpless or I begin to doubt myself, when life battles and joys are all too overwhelming.

My word for 2014 is 

Courage

Courage didn't come to me at first, no word really came to me at all, and it was only during a meditation session I did where we were asked to let a word, a phrase, a colour or image come to us, that courage miraculously appeared .

I don't usually meditate, (well I am doing my best to make it part of my life)  and I had  certainly never done this sort of visualisation  exercise before and I must admit I did feel rather uncomfortable. 

Then in a subtle way, the words "let it go" floated across my subconscious, followed shortly after by the word "courage".  The words felt so right, they sat with me in a way where I gently nodded and smiled in agreement with the universe. 

I am not sure what it is I am letting go of this year, but I know it will find me. I know when I dig a little deeper,  I have  so many self imposed limitations, negative beliefs, anger, hurt and resentment sitting there just festering.  I have known for quite some time that these will continue to haunt me until I have the courage to heal them, set them free and make way for the wonder that I know is around the corner.

Courage will guide me, to be brave, to be vulnerable to let go of these burdens, to imagine they are sinking to the bottom of  a deep deep ocean, never to rise again.  This quote by the extraordinary book I am reading by Debbie Ford sums it up so perfectly. I know I mustn't be the only one hanging onto past experiences, it is universal that we do this. It's all about identifying what these are and then being able to set them free.

"So why is it that so many of us hold onto experiences from our past, refusing to let them go? Is it because we don't know how to let go, and move on? Or could it be that our familiar emotional wounds are part of our story, our human drama, and we somehow feel more like ourselves when we're holding on to them? 

To experience emotional freedom, we must accept, surrender and let go of our wounds.  We must be willing to take responsibility for what we're holding on to, which is usually a hurt or pain from the past that leaves us feeling victimised. The code of emotional freedom calls on us to let go of "Im right", "You're wrong", "I'm good" and "You're bad" so that we can stand fully in our power. It calls on us to take responsibility for our lives and then, with grace and ease, let go of our excuses, reasons, justifications and righteousness.  - Debbie Ford - Courage, overcoming fear and igniting self confidence

Ask those questions "Why do we protect and hold onto these experiences for so long? Who do we need to forgive to move on?  What are the learnings or growth we can gain?

How about we have some courage to do some letting go this year?  (If anything I recommend you read this book, it has kick-started my year of courageous living perfectly!) 

In 2014.....

I will have the courage to heal old wounds

I will  have the courage to find my magic within  and the  confidence to let it shine bright. 

I will have the courage to stand up for what I believe in regardless of what others think

I will have the courage to take big brave leaps into the unchartered

I will have the courage to face my darkest fears,  tackle them head on, forgive and then let them go

I will have the courage to say yes..... and to say no 

I will have the courage to become a great teacher

I will have the courage to write on this blog more frequently without cold feet

I will have the  courage to  be vulnerable - to have those uncomfortable icky conversations, to ask that guy out  on a date (no matter what the answer), to have a regular check up with a doctor,  to admit that solo parenting is tough on my soul, to change jobs/careers if I don't like my my new job,  ask for help when I need it, to be scared about my upcoming surgery

In seeking out courage in everything I do, say and believe, I know I must find my confidence and  truly love and accept all of myself including my flaws and shortcomings in order to live the most authentic year yet.

What are your 2014 intentions - please share, I would love to hear!  2014 is shaping up to be a smashing year! 

I am who I am...

Today I had a near death experience. 

Well maybe not a near death, but certainly a near catastrophe. 

I was driving home from a non eventful Monday morning supermarket shop, and a semi trailer didn't  give way and drove out in front of me. It was obvious that he had not seen my little white car.
Luckily I snapped myself out of my daydream and swerved to miss him.  Thankfully our two vehicles did not collide and he drove off none the wiser. 

I pulled over to the side of the road, my heart thumping so loud I could hear it  and adrenaline pulsating through my veins. My fight or flight response had well and truly kicked in and I needed a few moments to compose myself, to sit back, close my eyes and just breath. 

When my eyes closed it was like a switch was turned.  Negative thoughts flooded my brain.  I started  unleashing a savage attack on myself. I wasn't at fault in this incident, but somehow I managed to start blaming myself.

I shouldn't have been daydreaming, I'm always daydreaming. I should have beeped my horn,              why am I such a terrible driver.  I shouldn't have  a licence, I'm not capable of anything, I'm a failure. 

I guess this was normal given the situation, but I certainly shouldn't have been blaming myself. My inner wisdom knew I was just punishing myself with criticism, but somehow I couldn't turn these thoughts around.

They are automatic and I realised that I do this all the time, in every situation. No wonder my self belief and confidence is so low. It keeps getting pummelled by this nasty voice in my head at every turn.

I know I am an incredibly positive person, a glass half full  type, but to myself I am nothing of the sort. I love inspiring, helping and supporting others, cheering them on, but really I need to be cheering myself self along.

So I am on a bit of a mission to change that, to peel back the layers and work on improving my self  worth.
I am  sick of being the victim to my own voice.   Its time I reveal the  resilient, positive and self loving warrior that I know I am.  I just need to work on uncovering it and allowing it to speak. 

This blog, my little place to spread inspiration about living a healthy life from the inside out, has been sitting dormant and wordless for weeks. I didn't think the words I had deserved to be heard, I didn't think it was pretty enough, I didn't think I was had enough to offer, or the knowledge to write.  I now know I wasn't being held back by what others thought, I was being paralysed (and darn right silly) by what I thought.
Somehow it took this unnerving incident to make me realise that I needn't care about that.  I just need to take action to improve myself,  to cause my own ripples and the rest will take care of itself.  

I am not here to change anyone else, I am here to change myself, to finally reveal that true positive thinker that I know resides inside somewhere deep.

Although if this journey of mine at all gives you any hope or guidance or even the motivation to make changes too to how you live, breathe and think, then my job is done. The inner teacher in me will be happy.

I am who I am, and finally I am taking responsibility for my thoughts and am on a mission to turn them around!

Welcome to my journey.....